Chapter 29  – “The MOUSE”

At one point, late 1990s and early 2000, I dabbled in Real Estate in Spain. I was working on both sides of the Frontier and so had contacts on both sides too. I did a few modest sales, mainly to non-Spanish speaking UK expats who wanted to buy property in Spain.
But I have to start from the beginning...

For several days there was a man who would wait outside 123 Main Street, where we, as well as other companies, had our offices. He would go up to the first-floor offices of an Italian maritime business agency, knock on the door several times, and as no one was inside, he would sit patiently on the ground floor bench waiting for the Italian owner of that company to make an appearance. After a week of this I asked him if I could help. He showed me two cheques, each for a six-figure US dollar amount, and stamped by the bank with the ominous words "REFER TO DRAWER". He explained that he had been paid for goods and services by the Italian owner of the agency and the cheques bounced like a proverbial rubber ball. No, I was not able to help him, but it started an acquaintance between him, "Mouse" being his nickname, and "Gazoo", the nickname he gave me.

One day he asked me if I bought scrap gold or second-hand gold items. At the time I was not doing that but always with an eye to turning a profit I said I was open to suggestions. The next day he brought 8 or 9 pieces of gold jewellery. I checked them out, 18 carats, and authentically branded with top jewellery brand names.
(I know what you are thinking Dear Reader! After the escapade with Toby in Italy [Chapter 28] …. I should know better! LOL)
 He asked for £3,000 on behalf of the owner and he wanted 10% extra for himself. I estimated the total retail value to be between £9,000 and £12,000 pounds. I offered £2,000 plus £500 for him if he got me the deal.

"OK, I need the money. This spaghetti bastard (the Italian who was never in his office) has done a runner on me!  I'll have to take this back and let you know tomorrow"

Next day Mouse was there again, waiting for the Italian cheque bouncer, and he confirmed that the seller was willing to accept £2000. So, I went across to Barclays Bank took up the money in cash and gave it to him bring me the Jewellery the next day when I’d pay him his agreed commission.
But he never appeared the next day ... nor the one after that.  
Guess who did appear??? 

Yup, C.I.D. officers from the Royal Gib Police!

Apparently, the Italian cheque bouncer had placed a complaint against Mouse for threatening him. So, Mouse had been arrested and the CID came around looking for any evidence they could find on him. When they asked me if I knew him, I said yes but omitted to mention anything about the gold pieces I had paid for. It had nothing to do with what the Police were investigating and I felt enough of a fool having given him so much money in advance on the word of a man I really, hardly knew. Yes, I could have kicked myself for having given him that money. There was no way I would never see the money or the “scrap gold” which included several Cartier pieces and a Bulgari, after that.

Several weeks later, I was walking down Main Street in my Saturday best, complete with long coat and fedora. Coming towards me was Mouse with his wife, their baby in a pram, as well as an older couple I took to be his in-laws. He was avoiding my eyes, but I came close to him, I went all mysterious and Hollywoodian and whispered so only he could hear (in my best imitation of Vincent Price) :

"When the wolf was at my door, I did not feed the wolf!"

Come on ... it was a good line ... a great line (even if I say so myself!) ... and Mouse understood it completely! When the CID came asking for details of him I gave them nothing they did not already know.

He muttered a quiet "Thank you, Gazoo" and we each carried on in opposite directions.

That is the end of that, I thought to myself, furious at my own stupidity, furious for  trusting him and even more furious because I deserved it.
I had acted like a "novato". If Dad had been alive then, he woulfd have looked me in the eyre and called me "Tourist" ...and a second word he would use to show me my stupidity  "Payaso!"

But surprisingly enough, the matter didn't end there.

A couple of months later, Mouse boarded the number 5 bus to the Frontier in which I was travelling. He sat next to me and told me he had understood what I had meant by the “wolf” and “did not feed it” & that he appreciated I had not told them Police/wolf about the “scrap gold”.  He wanted to make up for my loss. It did not surprise me by then that the jewellery had offered me was his own wife’s jewellery! The transaction with the Italian had left them with no cash and.... so he said... he needed to sell it at any price.
He was now in the mobile phones business by that time in the bus, and he asked me if I could handle export to Portugal.

"Yes, I can do that. I already export fashion clothes to Portugal, so I have a ready set-up."

"I will sell you 50 Nokia mobile phones and give you the names of several possible clients in Portugal. Whatever you sell you make 5% on until my debt is fully paid."

Once bitten, twice shy, right?

I went to my Lawyer in La Linea and explained the proposed deal to him.

"Do it all via bank transactions, no cash deals at all. And make sure you keep invoices and bills of lading, transport etc" was my lawyer's sound advice.

My purchases from him would include IVA (VAT) which I would then need to claim back from Hacienda as the mobile phones would be exports, so the IVA was refundable. I did it all correctly and after about a year, I had made back the £2000 plus a nice little extra for my troubles.

Now all I have to do was claim back the roughly 4 million pesetas (about €29k) from Hacienda, the Spanish Government's Exchequer ....
Yeah, right! ! !

That turned out to be like pulling teeth from a dragon!

After 3 months writing faxes, having sent all the pertinent documents .... I received, not a reply, but a Spanish Hacienda Inspector and his assistant, to inspect my books in the TEO shop I had then in La Linea! This autumn prune of a man kept coming for 3-months, at unannounced times, to see if it could trip me up in my claim. Obviously, because I had done everything correctly and with my lawyer’s approval, there was nothing to find. But getting a Tax Inspector appearing out of nowhere three or 4 times a week, sitting next to you like a vulture, by your desk for 3 or 4 hours each time is disconcerting at best and if it is a Hacienda man who kept telling me Gibraltar was "stolen" from Spain, and all Gibraltarians were historical thieves, smugglers and tax dodgers ....  .... it does tend to spoil one’s day and several hours of the night too.

In the end I was "ordered" to "personificarme" ... appear in person ...  in Cadiz at the head office of Hacienda for the region.

This was "brown trousers time" ... so I went with my lawyer as backup.

"Sr Bentata.... es usted el hombre más inteligente que he conocido ... o el más estupdio!"

(Mr Bentata, you are the most intelligent man I have met ... or the stupidest!)

That was Hacienda's inquisitor's opening salvo.

"No sir, I am neither. Are my documents in order?"

"Si .... but I am convinced this is a scam"

"What is the scam?"

"I do not know exactly what the scam is ... but this is a scam and you are ...”

"I am just a middle man in these transactions..."

"But there is a scam ... I am certain..."

"Sr. Campos (for such was his name) ... I have done all that is required by law and by legal commercial practice. You have seen and examined all the documents. If all is in order how could there be any scam ... and I take offense at the way you are addressing me"

My lawyer sat quietly waiting to see what the final outcome would be. ....

" Ya se puede estar largando de aqui! " Sr Campos said, closing my file in anger. (Well you can leave now!)

"What about my refund of IVA?"

"Consider yourself lucky I do not throw you in prison, Yanito ladron !" he shouted at me.

That is when my lawyer stood up for me (at the rate I was paying him, he could have done so earlier!)

My lawyer gave him a dressing down that included words like Denuncia  and Querella and Uncle Tom Cobley and all ... and together we stormed out ... me on rubber legs, my lawyer in total Hidaglo mode!

It actually took two more years, and our taking Hacienda to Court before they finally coughed up the refund!

Are you thinking of doing business in Spain???

Treat Hacienda like the Black Plague!

As a post script, years later I found out there WAS a scam, though not by me. Mouse would buy a pack of 50 Nokias legally. Then sell to me, legally. Then he would discount the IVA I had paid on his invoice, against his other purchases.... so where was the scam?

Though Mouse never told be directly, I did find out. 

As soon as the consignment was delivered in Portugal, he would go there by car to his contact, my erstwhile client, and take the 50 Nokias back in his car .... to sell the same phones back to me again and again .... skimming IVA on each transaction!

This was my introduction to Mouse.

For the next 3 or 4 years I kept in touch with him but never the Nokia way!