MY LIFE

Chapter 46 – KILLING AUNTIE, then POORISH

I really need you to read this with a Yanito mindset, as well as a basic smattering of Portuguese. I hope this is not too much to ask …. but as you can read in the title, we already have a Yanito word in it: “POORISH”(pronounced: poor <as in ´sure´ in English>, and then just  -´ish´)
Those of a certain age will obviously remember using that magic word. It was a “time out” if playing a game like hide & seek or any other when we wanted to drop out of the game for a quick pee, or a Suntop & Chocoprince.
If you have read Chapter 8 you will know that I had relatives living in Lisbon. My Uncle Samuel (Tito Samuel), his wife, my mother's older sister, Aunt Sara (Tita Sara), and her two sons, David and Meni. At the time this happened only Tita Sara lived in Lisbon. Tito Samuel had passed away several years earlier. Mum wanted her sister to come to Gib to live. Obviously David and Meni wanted her to live with them. My cousins David & Meni lived respectively in London and Israel for many years by then. But Tita Sara was an “iron lady” who felt it would be disloyal to her husband who was buried there, in Lisbon.
Tita Sara, in her late 80s, still lived in the family home in Lisbon, by herself, much to the disquiet off her sons and all of us who were family. Let me give you some background on this

Tita Sara, a very stately lady it must be said, had very few contacts left
in Lisbon. Some of that Community had left, others of that generation
had already died.  There was just one neighbour in the building in regular contact, a certain Mrs Asor, widow of Lisbon's late Rabbi and also an octogenarian.

Though I lived in Gibraltar, I was working my business in Spain at the time. My son Asher lived with me and my daughter Kellie and youngest son, Gideon, lived in Toronto. My mother, also a widow, lived in our family home in Main Street. Mum and Tita Sara were the prolific letter writers and there was not a week that passed that letters were not exchange between them.

It was a Friday afternoon and I was getting ready to close my office and return to Gib for the Sabbath. That was when I get a phone call.
It was a hysterical old lady speaking Portuguese.
I tried my best to understand what she was saying. Portuguese is very similar to Spanish but badly spoken. Conversely Spanish was actually Portuguese badly spoken that's another story.
Try to imagine listening on a bad line to an old lady, speaking rather anxiously in Portuguese which I barely understand. From my cousins during their frequent visits I had learnt a few words ….but those were limited to the swear words and that is yet another story.

"Oh Senhor Bentata...." (in Portuguese, the Spanish Ñ is written as `nh`)

"Si?"

"Esta é a Sra. Asor falando."
(“This is Mrs Asor speaking”)

Si, si yo se quien es Usted..."
(“Yes, yes I know who you are”)

"A Senhora Sara …..  ha faltado!"
(Mrs Sara ….has passed away)

She said this again, hysterically, on this crackling phone line, in her very conservative Portuguese.
“….ha faltado! ….ha faltado!"

Shit!
Tita Sara had been found dead in her home ... something all the family feared!
“Eu tentei ligar para os filhos dela, mas nenhuma resposta!” (“I have tried calling her sons but no reply”)

I looked at my watch and we were under an hour before the start of our Sabbath. Some of you may know that we Orthodox Jews do not use the phone on the Sabbath, nor any electrical equipment in fact. Obviously for many in Israel with an hour ahead, Shabbat had already started but I called Meni’s anyway.
After a few rings the ansafone clicked in.

"Meni, I am so, so sorry to have to tell you that Tita Sara has passed away. Senhora Asor has called me just now as she couldn't connect with you or didn't know your number nor David's so when you switch on after Shabbat is finished call her or call me back."

I knew I had to tell my mother, also in her 80s, but didn't know how to break it to her gently.
So I called Asher at home.

" Asher, Tita Sara has just passed away. I have to tell Abuela (Grandma) but do not want her to be alone when I call her. Please go to her house. I will phone there and you pick up and pass the phone on to her and stay with her till I get back from Spain."

"Tita Sara? .. what happened?"

" I do not know the details, only heard just now from Senhora Asor, her neighbour, to say that 'Senhora Sara ha faltado'.... I have to phone up David in London and then I'll go immediately to Abuela's . I don't want her to be alone when she receives the news"

After sending Asher in his Mission of Mercy, I tried calling my cousin David in London. Maybe he too had already switched off for the Sabbath.  Yes, I was back speaking to another answer phone. By now I was becoming quite expert in giving bad news to the family!

"David... Senhora Asor has just called me say that Tita Sarah has passed away. I don't have any further news than that so when the Shabbat is over, call me. I am going to tell my mother now and have already phoned your brother Meni  and left the same message on his answer phone."

Then I girded my loins and got ready to phone up my mother.

Ring ....ring ....

Asher picked up.

Good, Mum was not alone now and my son was ready for the expected melt down.

"Mum ...."

"Si .... que pasa?"
(“Yes …what’s wrong?”)

Damned female intuition!

"Well .... Senhora Asor has just called from Lisbon..."

"Senhra Asor? Tita Sara's neighbour?"

"Yes .... me acaba de decir que Tita Sarsa ha faltado..."
(“Yes ..she has just told me that Tita Sara has passed away”)

"Ohhh Ohhhh ... mi pobre hermana ... morir sola .... aaaiiii aiiii" (“Ohhh ohhh my poor sister …dying alone …”)

I heard Asher trying to console his grandmother and I could hear her crying bitterly. I could do nothing more.

So the next thing was obviously to call up Senhora Asor.

"Senhora Asor .... he tratado de hablar con Meni y con David pero tienen el contestador puesta ya para Shabbat ... "
(“Mrs Asor I have tried to contact Meni and David but they have their ansaphones switched on for Shabbat”)

"Si, si, . a Policia ja esteve aqui....."
(“yes, yes, the Police have already been here”)

"Le deje mensaje a Meni y David que Tita Sara habia muerto...."
(“I left  Meni and David the message that Tita Sara had died!)

"MORTO? MORTO ? Quiem esta morto? ? ? "
(“Died? Died? Who has died?)

"Bueno …. Usted me dijo que 'a Senhora Sara esta faltada....' no?"
(“Well …You told me that ‘Mrs Sara had passed away’ no?)

"NAO ..NAO...Eu nao disse isso .... SALTAU .... SALTAU ...no 'faltau'....."
(“NO ….NO….I did not say that …. SALTAU not FALTAU!”)

"Saltau??? "

"Sim, sim .... a Policia ja esteve aqui .... o ladrao SALTAU pela jentana ... em seu apartamento e roubaran coisas ..."
(“Yes, yes …the Police were already here ….a thief jumped in through the window…
"A Faltado" .... A Saltado ..... sounded pretty much the same huh!?
And I have told Mum that her sister has just died .... oh poor Mum!

I called her number.
Asher picked up.

"Put Abuela on the phone .. quickly..."

"She's crying her eyes out .... "

"Put her on ... Tita Sara is not dead!"

"But you said ...."

Mum grabbed the phone.

"What is happening .-.. what is happenings to my poor sister there in Lisbon so alone..."

"No, Mum she is OK .... I did not understand Senhora Asor ,,, she said 'saltadu' and I understood 'faltadu? which I took to mean ... passed away...."

"Oh David David .... how could you make such a mistake!"

I wanted to retort: Have you ever spoken to Senhora Asor? ?

But respect and good manners shut me up. I could explain better later.

"Mum ... I have to call Meni & David now ... hang up I will see you as soon as I get back into Gib"

Thank God Asher was there with her!

Then I had to call up Meni's answerphone and David's leaving a message like... "April fool ... your Mum's alive!" ... but no, I had to be more correct than that ...

"Tita Sara is alive and well ... so sorry, I misunderstood Senhora Asor ... she said 'saltadu' & I understood ... “
Well, you know the story by now, dear reader ....

Did I feel like a fool?

Do I need to answer that?

As soon as I returned to Gib I went to see Mum ... My poor mother was shattered! The anguish of hearing that her sister had died, alone, in far off Lisbon ... then that she was alive ... Can you imagine the see-saw of emotions I put her through?

I was dreading the comeback from all this.
Naturally I had to wait till the next day, after sundown when the Sabbath was over before I could actually call my cousins to apologise properly. Just how does one apologise after having put my foot in it up to the groin?

Then that evening my phone rang. I dreaded picking it up.... but ....I had to.

"David?" ... it was the sweet voice of Tita Sara....

"Yes..." I replied meekly

"So ...you wanted to kill me off did you?"

"No, Tita, no ... it is just that Senhora Asor spoke only Portuguese and the line was bad and I heard...."

Then she could not hold back any more ...and started to laugh!

I could hear David her son in the background laughing too ...

 Apparently, Tita Sara was not even in Lisbon... she had gone to stay a while with her son David in London. As my message was being recorded in their ansaphone they could hear what I was saying. They had looked at each other and found it very funny that I was announcing the death of my aunt ...to her!

 I also called Meni in Israel and started to explain.

"No pasa nada, ‘poorish’, no?" he said. "I knew it could not be true because my mother had called me from London to wish us Shabbat Shalom just minutes before you left the message!"
Meni is very laid back guy, I tell you .... few things ruffle his feathers.

Did I call Senhora Asor after all that ??

Did I hell .... NEVER AGAIN!